This weekend, fairly-new Philadelphia sketch group The Action Section (made up of Justin Damm, Billy Dee, Eric Humble, and Joe Gribbin) will hold four ghastly shows of comedy with the Philly Improv Theater in The Action Section Halloween Spectacular.

According to a recent interview in the PHIT newsletter, the group have done a few live shows in the past, but nothing as extensive as this. The bulk of their work consists of short videos on Youtube, a few of which we’ve included below.

Tree Surgeon

The Rematch

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Things just seem to happen to Gregg Gethard. After telling a few stories at comedy shows in New York City, he created his own monthly show in Philly, BEDTIME STORIES, to tell a few more. Over the past year and a half the show has grown in audience and features some of the best comics in the city.

Here, Gregg continues his eight-part series on an acting class he took in Montclair, New Jersey. [Read Part I, II and III]

By the way, Gregg will be performing at our Comic Vs. Audience Comedy Show on Monday, November 3rd at the Shubin Theatre and his show, Bedtime Stories, is on Wednesday, November 5th.

WEEK 4

I walked into class during the middle of the first sketch being performed, as Class Junkie was in front of the class, doing something with a coffee filter. I could not figure what was going on, since his back faced everyone. It looked like he may have been pretending to stuff a coffee filter down the throat of a sick loved one.

“That was really fantastic,” said Bob. “Really, a great job. But can you do it again for us? This time, face us as you do it.”

Class Junkie proceeded to do his sketch again, this time it was a little clearer as to what he actually performed – simply preparing the morning coffee.

“I can tell from your facial expressions when you were doing this that you do this a lot,” Bob said.

“Yep. Every morning. At 4:30 a.m.,” Class Junkie said, who sighed existentially.

But all is not bad in Class Junkie’s life. Bob asked him how he felt performing in front of everyone. “I’m really content with what I did,” the white-haired gentleman said. “The last time I acted, I was Tiny Tim!”

Up next was Voice Box Girl. “He only had one prop. I have a whole bunch? Is that okay, or am I going to get in trouble,” she pathetically asked. Bob assured her that this was okay.

Voice Box Girl’s sketch involved her putting on makeup, getting ready for a night out on the town– no doubt to the local TGIFriday’s. She began by combing her hair– which made a loud noise as the brush ripped through her many, many teased roots. She continued to put on her makeup throughout the sketch. Afterwards, Bob told her to pantomime putting on her makeup this time, forsaking the props.

“I don’t know how good it will be,” Voice Box Girl said. But again, Bob used his soothing carnival-barker voice to coach her through it.

“That was awesome,” responded the Overly Competitive Hindu– with a trace of jealousy in his voice.

“I never want to hear that word out of your mouth again. I never want you to tell me that you cannot mime ever again,” exclaimed Bob.

Up next came one of the Interchangeable Housewives. I couldn’t tell them apart, and curiously, I don’t think I ever saw them in the same place at the same time. So maybe they were the same person? But I don’t think they were. I could have sworn there were two Interchangeable Steel Magnolia Fans, but I counted three since the first week.

The Interchangeable Housewife’s performance was surprisingly not anonymous and instead was really, really frightening. She had a one-sided phone conversation with a colleague by the name of “Kim”– apparently, she’s a therapist of some sort. Her piece was a bizarre combination about someone suffering from the dual affects of colon cancer and child molestation, with someone having to call DYFUS – New Jersey’s child protective service — and a mental health professional.

Bob took a break after her performance (”I’ve been drinking water ALL day. I gotta go GO GO!”) which gave the class a chance to talk about the last piece. Voice Box Girl asked what DYFUS was.

“It’s the Department of Youth and Family Services,” she explained. “That’s who gets called in case someone gets abused at home.”

“Oh. So that’s who you call if someone is abused at home?”

The Cute Girl (again wearing her swank red Kool Moe Dee sneakers) then informed us that she used to be a teacher. “It’s really hard to get DYFUS involved with cases, I found. It’s tough, especially with statute of limitation laws.”

Voice Box Girl was trying to follow. “What does that mean, Statue of Libertation?”

Sagging Breasts then chimed in with some commentary about special education. “My sister-in-law teaches special education. They were talking to all of the students about being abused and telling them about how to say no and what to do if they were being abused at home. The next day, all the kids said that they were abused and were crying. It was really funny.”

After our break, The Hemaphroditic German set up for her piece. Apparently, babies play a large role in her life. A baby formula box stood prominently on a stool, with a crying baby face and center. She began by shaking out baby diapers and folding them, fidgeting with the formula box, then inexplicably went towards the back of the performing space where she needlessly ran in space. Then, she returned to the front of the stage and picked up a phone– a high concept “two-in-one” of both pantomime and a phone conversation.

“Hello? Hello? I am not sure I understand,” she said in her accented English to a made-up person. ” I am very busy caring for my Godchild. Is that the word I am looking for? Godchild? Wait– did you say I can get four free tickets to Hawaii? No, I don’t want to go to Atlanta to pick them up. I do not want to pick up the tickets with my child. He is almost one. I do not understand, how can you give away tickets worth $3,000 dollars? Plus a free place to stay? There must be some strings. I WILL NOT MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOU. Please leave me alone. I beg you. Please leave me off this phone.”

Bob then asked The Hemaphroditic German if she was confused on the phone with telemarketers. She was. “They talk so fast. It confuses me.”

Bob, omnipotent far beyond acting, advised us on how to handle telemarketing phone calls. “Here’s a hint. Say to the telemarketer that you would like them to be placed on their no call list. If they call again, you say to them ‘You’re breaking the law’ and then they usually hang up.”

We had one more performance left, and I edged out The Latino Bohunk and The Overly Competitive Hindu to go last.

Earlier in the day, I had gotten props for my skit– two bottles of ketchup purchased from Foodtown and a blue fanny pack borrowed from my mom.

I arranged a very elaborate set-up compared to everyone else, arranging chairs and a bench next to each other. I then placed my ketchup bottles (one generic brand, one Heinz) on the bench and grabbed other props– the baby formula, pieces of garbage laying around, other stuff laying around, simulating supermarket shelves.

I then pantomimed walking down the aisles of a supermarket in a bad mood, angrily purchasing my food, throwing bushels of food into a cart.

“Very good,” Bob said. “But I want you to try this again.”

Then he said the words that would change my acting career forever.

“This time… pretend you have diabetes.”

So I did. I prepared for this new dramatic role by repeating the word “diabetes” several times as I walked through the performance area. “I now have diabetes,” became my mantra, as I repeated them out loud. I went through the aisles, analyzing make-believe cans of food for their sugar content. I did not put the ketchup bottles in the shopping cart. Bob asked why when I was done.

“High fructose corn syrup. You have to watch out for that when you’re a diabetic like me.”

Then, I started to clean up my performance area as Bob told the class about what I did differently– how I reached for the shelves with a more direct focus. I’m certain everyone now thinks that I have some issues regarding a compulsion to clean.

After class, The Cute Girl and The Voice Box Girl started talking about where they were from– Glen Ridge and Caldwell, respectively.

They exchanged numbers and decided to get together for lunch this week.

I sensed an opportunity. I approached Cute Girl and asked her if she went to Glen Ridge High School. She said that she did. I asked her if she knew Nick Moore, a colleague of mine I barely knew from work. She did. I then said, meekly, “I know him also.” And then I walked away and left.

On my way to the parking lot, I managed to get in a walking group with Class Junkie and The Overly Competitive Hindu who did not have a chance to perform due to time constraints. I asked The OCH what he would perform the next week.

“I’m not sure yet,” he said. “I’m thinking about doing something where I get out of a shower.”

NEXT WEEK: One of Gregg’s classmates gets naked!

We’ll resume regular programming soon…

Hello Junior Joketeers,

Since the World Series has been rescheduled for tonight (Wednesday), I have no choice but to cancel the Ministry of Secret Jokes this month. I know nobody would show up, including the performers, and I don’t want a repeat of my third grade birthday party.

Congratulations, baseball, you win again! I hope you’re happy. Instead of spreading joy and laughter to crippled children at Fergie’s Pub, I will be at home, watching the game and making bongs out of objects around the house.

The next Ministry will be November 26th.

Go Phils!

(Click to enlarge)

How did you first get started in comedy?
The first time I did stand up was an open mic one summer at the Laff Stop in Houston. That was followed by the occasional bar open mics and hookah longues in college at Penn State along with the writing for the humor magazine Phroth. I got the chance to dive into stand up and beyond when I moved to Austin four years ago.

Who are your comedy influences?
I watched everything I could on Comedy Central when I was younger. I’m constantly being influenced by new comics I meet, thats one of the great things about this business. Maria [Bamford] of course is a great influence and role model. I got lots of favorites, Paul F. Tompkins, Lisa Delarios, Martha Kelly, Brent Weinbach, John Mulaney, I could go on and on.

What attracted you to Austin?
My move to Austin wasn’t too calculated. I had been there once forSXSW and it seemed really fun. I knew I wanted something differentfrom the East Coast. I knew I wanted a smaller scene to start out in,Los Angeles and New York seemed too big. I figured I would try Austin and if I didn’t like it I would head to the Northwest. I didn’t know anything specific about the comedy scene, but I knew it was an artsy town and that some kind of scene had to exist. I feel lucky to have stumbled onto such an amazing scene.

Are you keeping Austin weird?
I’ve been too busy keeping Austin well mannered.

Do you ever cater your set to your audience? Like, the joke I saw you perform at PSU, where you discussed how ridiculous pearl tampons were, would you not do that joke in front of, say, pad wearers?
I definitely have the audience in mind when I am figuring out my setlist. In Austin, you could get a bunch of rowdy UT students or suburbanites getting away from their kids, depends on the club and show you are doing.

How do you balance comedy and the 9 to 5 job?
Lots of naps.

Please excuse our lack of posts this week as Phillies Phever (clever!) has taken over the city and there’s nothing going on comedy-wise.

For those comedy nerds that don’t follow baseball, Game 5 held the promise of an end to the World Series with the Fightin’ Phils triumphant. But, in sixth inning, the game was suspended due to downpour. The plan is to try to fit the game in tonight, but it’s raining like a mother again right now. Until then, the city is in a holding pattern and it doesn’t appear that anyone wants to go to a comedy show if it means missing the biggest sports moment for Philadelphia in 25 years.

UPDATE: The game has been canceled for tonight and they’ll try to play those last 3.5 innings Wednesday.

(Debuted at last night’s DUOS show).

Catch up with past Inventionors videos.

Things just seem to happen to Gregg Gethard. After telling a few stories at comedy shows in New York City, he created his own monthly show in Philly, BEDTIME STORIES, to tell a few more. Over the past year and a half the show has grown in audience and features some of the best comics in the city.

Here, Gregg continues his eight-part series on an acting class he took in Montclair, New Jersey. [Read Part I and II]

Gregg will be performing at our Comic Vs. Audience Comedy Show on Monday, November 3rd at the Shubin Theatre.

WEEK 3

The Cute Girl was back. This week, she passed an important test in my eyes, the footwear test. I will not date a girl if she wears retarded shoes. The Cute Girl was wearing these red suede Adidas shell-tops. Apparently, she shops at the same place Run DMC do.

Tonight’s class was more of a traditional class setting, as tradition as it can be with these people. Bob handed us these shoddy photocopied diagrams of a stage with words like “stage left” and “downstage” written on them in Bob’s Richard Ramirez-esque handwriting.

Bob began by telling us how “stage left” actually means to the right and how “stage right is actually to the left. Bob said this usually confused people, but not him. “I’m lefthanded… AND dyslexic!”

Bob then talked to us about the stage theory of “cheating” to help better communicate with the audience via positioning and playing the angles. Bob brought The Overly Competitive Hindu with him up on stage, and positioned him at an acute angle.

“You never see men talking like this — but, honey, that’s another story altogether. But just remember, the only place where cheating is good is in theater and in gambling!”

Bob then went on to discuss the art of pantomime. He name-dropped some theater actress who was in a production of “Our Town” which had no props. Bob then imitated her pantomimes — “She had all her eggs here and her pots and pans here.”

“It is like a kitchen came to life right in front of my eyes,” said The Hemaphroditic German, whose mouth was dropped like she had just witnessed a Christian miracle.

Bob then turned to the topic of improvisational theater, a topic close to my heart due to brother’s involvement with the UCB Theater. Bob began by going into a tirade railing against the tyranny that is improv.

“They act like they are just making things all up, but they really all have a lot of practice doing what they are doing. Believe you me, it’s not as made up as it seems.” He spoke with vengeful happiness while tearing down the oppressive walls of improv comedy, revealing the truth to us like he was The Masked Magician, speaking in hushed tones as to how the biz really works.

Bob then discussed with us about theater superstitions like “Break A Leg.” One superstition, we learned, is to wear an article of clothing from a previously successful show. This works, according to Bob.

“I was in a show in Morristown once. We had some wardrobe froma pervious show and I got to wear a jacket that was previously worn by…”

He paused for dramatic effect.

“JIM DALE. You know, THE JIM DALE? He had just finished a great run… just an absolutely fantastic run… And then I myself had a pretty good show, also. But what really surprised me… Jim Dale is the same size as me! The jacket fit perfectly!”

Bob, also, speaks at times like a vaudevillian carnival huckster, for no apparent reason. “Doesh anyong hath any quethstonth about thith shtuff?”

Bob mentioned Debbie Reynolds, whom he said in a 1996 performance brought her own kitchen to the set so she would feel comfortable in the role. Sagging Breasts asked Bob what Ms. Reynolds did with her kitchen at home.

He drew a blank, and then finally told her, “Well, I guess she has doubles of everything.”

He was then asked about how hard it is to memorize a script. Bob said some people can memorize things rote, others have to do it in stages. Bob described himself as an “organic learner.”

For next week, we have to come up with a short scene of our own. We have two options: we can either do a two-minute scene by ourselves or we can have a three-minute phone conversation by ourselves.

Voice Box Girl, wearing a Heinekin Beer t-shirt tonight, had a hard time picking up this concept. “Wait, so WHAT are we doing this week? Okay, do we have to bring anything in? How can we act without bringing anything in? Nothing? Okay. So, let me get this straight now.”

Bob also mentioned that our scenes had to have some sort of conflict. “Just don’t do ‘something,’” he said. “But you have to do… SOME THING. Act exasperated or tired or unhappy.”

Voice Box Girl again did not pick up on this concept.

“The thing I want to do is that I want to be getting ready to go out on a date. What kind of conflict thing can I have with that really?”

I was writing all of this down. Voice Box Girl saw this and started staring at me. I got nervous, thinking I was caught. She had the dead, cold eyes of a baby murderer. Then she apologized and stared laughing about how she had an itch on her neck.

Sagging Boobs then brought the conversation to the final week, where we have to prepare a monologue. She said she does not want to perform a play, but would rather do a “dramatic reading of a song lyric.” My initial guess was that she would do interpretive dance while reciting the lyrics to Stevie Knicks’ “Edge of Seventeen.”

“Just like the white winged dove…”

As for next week, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. The lover of absurd public situations side of my brain wanted to do something really bizarre, like have a three-minute conversation in Mandarin Chinese. But the journalist side of my brain wanted to remain as “neutral” as possible while watching the behavior of these strange strangers unfold.

At the end of class, we stacked our chairs. The Cute Girl let The Overly Competitive Hindu go first.

“How chivalrous,” he said, giving her a mocking curtsey.

He then took the pen he borrowed from Class Junkie — he had pens for every person in class a pen — and threw it side armed at the old man, where it hit him in the throat and fell to the ground.

NEXT WEEK: Next week, one of Gregg’s classmates laughs about the possible molestation of retarded children.

Jessica Ciaramella is the winner of our DUOS ticket giveaway. She’s won two tickets to the show tonight at 8PM at Helium Comedy Club (2031 Sansom St.) with Animosity Pierre, Meg & Rob and Dave & Brian. Jessica writes that her favorite comedy duo are Abbott and Costello:

because I have been in love with the “Who’s On First” sketch since I was a kid. My friends and I used to reenact it at random…because we were cool like that.

Stand-up comedian and Best Week Ever panelist Christian Finnegan will be filming his new one-hour stand-up special at The Trocadero (1003 Arch St.) this Saturday. The show is FREE. Straight from the source, Christian’s Facebook event:

Beloved e-Friends,

THE TIME OF RECKONING IS NIGH AT HAND!!

Tickets are now available for the live taping of my very first comedy special, “AU CONTRAIRE!”. The two big friggin’ shows will take place on October 25th at the Trocadero Theater in glorious Philadelphia, PA. It will be a glorious night of awkward personal revelations and hypocritical assaults on your character!

I’m going to lay it bare, folks–this will be the most important night of my comedy life and I want as many friendly faces there as possible. Don’t make me bus in a bunch of homeless people!

Some good news: These tapings will be completely free of charge. You hear that, cheapskates? FREE!!! Some more good news: If you attend a taping, there’s a very good chance your mug will appear on the tee-vee when Comedy Central airs “Au Contraire!” in early ‘09. Think you can wait around to reserve your tickets? Au contraire!** Tickets are going to be extremely limited. SO GET YOURS NOW!

To reserve tickets, complete this onlineform.

Make sure to fill in the “Promo Code” section with the word “Finny”. This will get you priority seating–it’s my way of rewarding you, my true inter-pals. And this way you can avoid rubbing shoulders with the filthy, teeming masses!

You. Me. A bunch of cameras. What could be more enticing?

I’ll see you October 25th, friendlies.

Christian Finnegan,
Ready for his close-up