At the risk of losing all site visitors, I’m just going to say it: I’ve never watched more than three minutes of Lost. Ok, anyone still here? Hello?

Well, whoever is left should check out this video by the sketch duo Animosity Pierre (profile). The ladies just want some nookie, but the dudes want Lost love. Can they sum it all up in five minutes?

This is Animosity Pierre’s second Lost video. The first one saw Dave get caught up on it all over a three-day marathon.

Hey, did you hear Lost is coming back tonight? Yes, it’s true, Lost. Ok, see you later (Lost).

As we count down the hours until 2010, here are the last of the Top 5 of 2009 lists from Philadelphia comedians.

The Top Five Bits By Philly Comics Of 2009 by Luke Giordano

5. AARON HERTZOG’S “SCIENCE TEACHER”

This bit is the summation of what Aaron Hertzog is onstage. It includes a fundamental misunderstanding of the opposite sex, the sexualization of food, the self-realization of his own absurd behavior, and not least of all, funny noises. This bit is so steeped in adolescent fantasy that Aaron actually uses pornographic movies as the logical basis for his assumption that his presumably middle aged science teacher wants to have sex with him as well as a justification for her insistence that he barter the answers to a 9th grade science test for sexual favors. And Aaron never really says that he thinks any of this is a bad idea. You even get a sense that porn is the ONLY point of reference for him from this bit. The very notion of all this would be ridiculous and absurd to the point of criminal if it didn’t make absolute sense from a male viewpoint. OF COURSE he should have made those two girls suck his dick for letting them cheat off his science test. OF COURSE his post-menopausal science teacher wanted to teach him the ways of lovemaking and usher him into manhood. Why wouldn’t she? But Aaron seals off the absurdity of the bit with an exasperated, “I’m a fucking idiot” at the end, acknowledging the reality after two minutes of fantasy, bringing us back down to Earth.

Also, he wiggles around and says “yum yum yum.”

4. DOOGIE HORNER’S “GENTLEMANLY CUSTOMS” / “EAGLES”

These bits really showcase the two different sides of Doogie’s style of comedy. In the first bit, he rips the carpet out from under the concepts of chivalry and gentlemanly sacrifice by sneaking up behind us rather than with a direct assault of. He uses examples in an extended flight of fancy to show us why these accepted practices are stupid rather than simply telling us that they are stupid. And as with a lot of Doogie’s longer bits, the comedy’s all in the precision and the details. He builds the scenario he’s created to a rapid fire climax and cuts the whole thing down with a bit of appropriate non-sequitur smut.

The Eagles bit is just a great short joke. And it instills the audience with a great visual — the mighty majestic eagle, that symbol of power, engaged in what has to be very awkward bird sex.

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Geston’s Cigar Store Figurines brings you the third installment of Where’s My Butthole, a Detective Richard Spoolding Mystery. Featuring your favorite gumshoe, Dick Spalding as Detective Richard Spoolding. Costarring Jim DeLancey as Spoolding’s right-hand-man, James DoLuncey, and the lovely MJ Flanigan as Spoolding’s secretary and main squeeze, Mary Jane Flonnigan.

Where’s My Butthole is NSFW and may contain offensive material. Hey, the 40’s were a different time.

Written by Dave Terruso, performed by Dave Terruso and Matt Lally of Animosity Pierre (profile) and edited by Dave Walk. Animosity Pierre will be performing tonight at the Philly Sketchfest [show info].

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But that’s not all from Animosity Pierre! The guys have passed along the good news that they have been accepted into the 2010 Chicago Sketchfest! Chicago, you may not have the Olympics, but you’ve got AP.

Even more Animosity Pierre, you say? We’ll how about you check out the sketch comedy competition at Helium that they are hosting tonight? [show info]

Apparently this is video week at C vs. A! Here’s episode three of Animosity Pierre’s [profile] Mexican Sock Puppet series.

Now in it’s second year, the Philly Sketchfest will be held from December 3-5 at the Plays and Players Theatre (1714 Delancey Place). Since last year’s inaugural run, the fest has certainly grown, even inviting sketch groups from Chicago and New York to perform this time. The other new wrinkle this year, beyond that there is an extra day, is that there will be a different stand-up comic every night hosting the shows (last year Chip Chantry hosted all of the shows).

The complete lineup is below, minus the winner of the Helium competition being held on November 18th [show info]. But enough of my yakking, here we go!:

Thursday 12/03 8PM Show
Host: CHIP CHANTRY (Philadelphia)
HELIUM WINNER
BOY MEETS TRACTOR (Swarthmore University)
GENTLEMAN’S ROTARY AUXILIARY (New Jersey)

Thursday 12/03 10PM Show
Host: CHIP CHANTRY
FEEKO BROS. (Philadelphia)
Special Appearance by BING SUPERNOVA (Hollywood)
SIXTH BOROUGH (Philadelphia)

Friday 12/04 8PM Show
Host: STEVE GERBEN (Philadelphia)
THIS THING OF OURS (Philly/New York)
ANIMOSITY PIERRE (Philadelphia)

Friday 12/04 10PM Show
Host: STEVE GERBEN
CHRIS & PAUL SHOW (New York City)
SECRET PANTS (Philadelphia)

Saturday 12/05 8PM Show
Host: KENT HAINES (Philadelphia)
BETTER THAN THE MACHINE (New York City)
THE WAITSTAFF (Philadelphia)

Saturday 12/05 10PM Show
Host: KENT HAINES
THE COOL TABLE (Chicago)
MEG & ROB (Philadelphia)

In related news, producing partners for the fest, sketch group Animosity Pierre are continuing their Mexican Sock Puppet series. Here’s the second episode:

Sketch group years should be equivalent to dog years. It must be hard to keep a group together through the arguments over writing and all of the other troubles that may come upon you with putting on a show. So it’s impressive that this weekend Animosity Pierre will perform two shows celebrating five years together. (see show info to the right).

Originally there were four members of the group, but only the founding members Dave Terruso and Matt Lally remain. For these shows they’ll be performing 90 minutes of the best Pierre material from the five years.

The guys are also producers of the Philly Sketchfest, which will be held December 3rd-5th at the Plays & Players Theater. The lineup hasn’t been released yet because the Helium Comedy Club will be putting on a sketch comedy competition on November 18th with the grand prize of a spot in the fest. [show info]

AP have also just started a new video series, “Mexican Sock Puppets”, and here’s the first episode (and yes that’s real Spanish!):

Pure Asbestos Insulation brings you the second installment of Where’s My Butthole, a Detective Richard Spoolding Mystery. Featuring your favorite gumshoe, Dick Spalding as Detective Richard Spoolding. Costarring Jim DeLancey as Spoolding’s right-hand-man, James DoLuncey, and the lovely MJ Flanigan as Spoolding’s secretary and main squeeze, Mary Jane Flonnigan.

Written by Dave Terruso, performed by Dave Terruso and Matt Lally of Animosity Pierre (profile) and edited by Dave Walk.

Animosity Pierre will be performing a new hour (that’s 60 minutes) of comedy material at their “Make Them Pee Themselves” show tomorrow at Helium. The Sixth Borough will also perform and stand-up Roger Weaver hosts. (show info)

Subscribe to the podcast feed (iTunes)

(Liked this episode of the podcast? Please write a review in iTunes so that we can get bigger…huge even!)

Subscribe to the podcast feed (in another podcast reader)

Listen to this episode in this nifty player (9:56):

Download this episode (as a .mp3) to take with you wherever you may go.

Animosity Pierre – The Inventionors Ep. 6

Mikey Gleason – Drowned by Energy Drinks (Current TV)

The Feeko Brothers – Meeting Mister Millstone (feat. Gregg Gethard)

Secret Pants – Booty Shorts for Me