As we count down the hours until 2010, here are the last of the Top 5 of 2009 lists from Philadelphia comedians.

The Top Five Bits By Philly Comics Of 2009 by Luke Giordano

5. AARON HERTZOG’S “SCIENCE TEACHER”

This bit is the summation of what Aaron Hertzog is onstage. It includes a fundamental misunderstanding of the opposite sex, the sexualization of food, the self-realization of his own absurd behavior, and not least of all, funny noises. This bit is so steeped in adolescent fantasy that Aaron actually uses pornographic movies as the logical basis for his assumption that his presumably middle aged science teacher wants to have sex with him as well as a justification for her insistence that he barter the answers to a 9th grade science test for sexual favors. And Aaron never really says that he thinks any of this is a bad idea. You even get a sense that porn is the ONLY point of reference for him from this bit. The very notion of all this would be ridiculous and absurd to the point of criminal if it didn’t make absolute sense from a male viewpoint. OF COURSE he should have made those two girls suck his dick for letting them cheat off his science test. OF COURSE his post-menopausal science teacher wanted to teach him the ways of lovemaking and usher him into manhood. Why wouldn’t she? But Aaron seals off the absurdity of the bit with an exasperated, “I’m a fucking idiot” at the end, acknowledging the reality after two minutes of fantasy, bringing us back down to Earth.

Also, he wiggles around and says “yum yum yum.”

4. DOOGIE HORNER’S “GENTLEMANLY CUSTOMS” / “EAGLES”

These bits really showcase the two different sides of Doogie’s style of comedy. In the first bit, he rips the carpet out from under the concepts of chivalry and gentlemanly sacrifice by sneaking up behind us rather than with a direct assault of. He uses examples in an extended flight of fancy to show us why these accepted practices are stupid rather than simply telling us that they are stupid. And as with a lot of Doogie’s longer bits, the comedy’s all in the precision and the details. He builds the scenario he’s created to a rapid fire climax and cuts the whole thing down with a bit of appropriate non-sequitur smut.

The Eagles bit is just a great short joke. And it instills the audience with a great visual — the mighty majestic eagle, that symbol of power, engaged in what has to be very awkward bird sex.

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Sorry for the breaks, hope you had a good Christmas. The Top 5 Lists continue this week…

The Top 5 Character comedians of 2009 by John Kensil

5.) Jackie Lincoln – The only Abraham Lincoln Impersonator comedian seen at two Chip Chantry One Man Shows At the Khyber Pass as portrayed by John Kensil (sorry if it seems ego stroking on my part but so what? it’s funny)

4.) Johnny Goodtimes as the 1920’s Comic at Chip Chantry’s one man show salute to history special. Lines like- ” I like my women like I like my airplanes….BI”

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This week, Gregg Gethard performs on a new show in Philadelphia.

Last night was awesome.

It was one of those nights that reminded me why I love performing comedy so much. The guys from Camp Woods, this new sketch group who have burst upon the local comedy scene with the fiery intensity of 100 fireballs, have started up a show at the Starlight Ballroom. For those not in the know, the Starlight Ballroom is a really big local music venue that is usually home to decent sized indie bands touring through the area. Having a show at this place is huge for the Philly comedy scene.

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Photos by Dave Walk
Guilty Pleasures
Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
Shubin Theatre

Brendan Kennedy’s “Guilty Pleasures” show at the Shubin Theatre (presented by PHIT) is a celebration of bad screenplays that should never, ever be performed. Each month, Brendan collects these horrible works of art and invites a few of his comedian friends to read them on stage for the audiences’ amusement. This time on the stage was (from left to right in the photos) Monroe Martin, Kent Haines, Roger C. Snair, Doogie Horner and Danny Ozark. Roger is a regular and almost co-host to the show that plays a role in each of the scripts. With a unique sense of delivery and timing and the ability to do ridiculous voices, he’s a crowd favorite that can make any terrible line of dialogue funny in some way.

But first, Meg Favreau, a self-proclaimed collector of old books, read some poetry from The Complete Book of Showers and Engagement Parties, which was as weird and awkward as it sounds. The main poem was a multi-page list of things that one friend wished upon her other friend. Basically, it included every place, person and thing that may bring joy to that person’s life. To close it out, Meg wondered what it must have been like for the person to listen to someone else read the poem to them. Yikes.

Next were the dramatic readings of crappy screenplays. First, “Trinity Rises” by D. M. Bocaz-Larson. Brendan said you can learn more about Mr. Bocaz-Larson by googling “free drama” (sure enough, it works) where, Brendan says, “you will see him in a viking hat and won’t feel sorry for him.” The story revolves around a dying old man and his granddaughter Trinity, a recent college student that doesn’t know what to do with her life. As the old man dies (spoiler alert), Trinity realizes that she needs to use his land for biofuel after receiving a brochure from her father (it’s one of the two scenes where a brochure is handed to someone). Roger played the part of Trinity, naturally, in a high pitched voice that was not believable, but yet funny.

The last piece of the night was written by Roger C. Snair himself. Although the show is about celebrating and laughing at horrible works of fiction, Roger wrote his play, “Fructose” exclusively for the night. And it did not disappoint. The play from start to finish was an extremely graphic homosexual romance including over 20 characters with names such as Guy Touchman, Long John Dongan, Dick Woodcock and Gaston Proctor. There was stage direction like “this scene is performed passionately, emotionally, longingly, yearingly” and there were at least three monologues written in rhyme. I don’t want to give away more because, due to a small attendance, Brendan said he would be putting on the reading again at next month’s show. Don’t miss it.

You can check out more Philadelphia comedy photos at our Flickr page, which now has a Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike Creative Commons license. Basically you can use the photos as long as you credit Comicvsaudience.com and don’t make any money off of them.

Brendan Kennedy (profile) at the special moon installment of Chip Chantry’s One-Man Show w/ Special Guests in July.

Our spies have been working overtime to obtain details and only now can they safely report that Doogie Horner’s THE MINISTRY OF SECRET JOKES, the most mysterious show in Philadelpha, returns tonight to the easy-to-find Fergie’s Pub (1214 Sansom). It’ll be a packed night with stand-up by Kent Haines, Carolyn Busa, Brendan Kennedy, Benny Michaels, and Jon Goff, an Omniana battle between longtime champion Brendan Kennedy and Benny Michaels, and the return of the game Hack!, in which comics have 60 seconds to write their own punchline to a hacky premise.

Here’s top secret footage from last month’s rap battle:

Ladies and gentleman of New York (and we know you’re out there), this Thursday there will be a very special Comic Vs. Audience Comedy Show in your dear city! Featuring three of the very funniest stand-up comedians from Philadelphia, the show will be kicking off a weekend of Philly Improv Theater shows in New York at Under Saint Mark’s in Manhattan. Click here for a full listing. Details:

The Comic Vs. Audience Comedy Show
Thursday, May 28th
8PM
at Under Saint Mark’s (94 St. Mark’s Place, btwn. 1st Ave. and Ave. A) [directions]
$10

Featuring:

Aaron Hertzog
Brendan Kennedy
Doogie Horner

with host Dave Walk

Wacky News w/ Brendan Kennedy

There was no C vs. A Radio Hour this week, but we had to share this clip that would’ve aired if there was a show. Stand-up comic and funny guy BRENDAN KENNEDY joined host Dave Walk in the studio to share some “Wacky News” that’s been in the news lately. It was a fun time and as Brendan always says: “wocka wocka!”

Subscribe to the podcast feed (iTunes)

If this doesn’t directly take you to iTunes, copy and paste http://feeds.feedburner.com/cvsa_podcast_feed into iTunes through Advanced – Subscribe to Podcast…)

(Feel free to write a review in iTunes!)

Subscribe to the podcast feed (in another podcast reader)

Listen to this episode (4:11):

Download this episode (as a .mp3)

Brendan will be performing stand-up tonight at Studio Luloo (916 White Horse Pike, Oaklyn, NJ) and he’ll be defending his Omniana title at the Ministry of Secret Jokes on May 27th.

Music by:

It’s time again for the Philly Improv Theater’s week at the Shubin Theatre (407 Bainbridge St). The week actually kicked off Monday with our show, but the highlights of the week are still yet to come with the new show of sketch comedy from The Action Section, the one-man show of Kevin Allison of The State fame and more.

Wednesday, April 8th
8 p.m. – Why Am I Not Famous?!?: A Comedy Talk Show w/ Kent Haines, $5. This month Philly’s only comedy talk show welcomes Phliadelphia comedians Meg Favreau and Steve “The Iceman” Gerben. According to Kent: “Steve is the 2007 winner of the Philly’s Phunniest contest that I won last summer, which means that I am technically one year funnier than he is. But actually he is much more hilarious than I am, and my sole goal that evening is to give him a nervous breakdown with my intense Frost/Nixon style interrogation. Should be fun!”

10 p.m. – Guilty Pleasures w/ Brendan Kennedy, $5. Bringing you the best in awful scripts, acted out for you on stage. This month Chris Cotton, Roger C. Snair, Luke Giordano, and Alan Piket will perform a rejected spec script for the CBS hit sitcom Two and a Half Men. Listen to Brendan talk about the show on the C vs. A Radio Hour.

Thursday, April 9th
8 p.m. – Improv Comedy, PhD: Every Thursday the theater pairs up “today’s comedy over-achievers and tomorrow’s comedy legends.” This month: Lehigh University with PHIT house team Activity Book.

10 p.m. – Cagematch: Whoever has the guts to go up against reigning champs Angry People Building Things, $5. CAGEMATCH pits two groups against each other for 25-minute sets that can only use one audience suggestion. The audience decides the winner by secret ballot.

Friday, April 10th
8 p.m. – Rare Bird Show + The Action Section presents: Life, $10. Improv trio Rare Bird Show opens for sketch group The Action Section performing an all new show since their Halloween weekend. According to member Joe Gribbin: “It’s about life, death, and the creamy filling between.”

10 p.m. – Kevin Allison: F*** Up, $15. Writer and performed of the cult 90s MTV sketch show The State. “F*** Up” is Allison’s one man show of outrageous character sketches. Hilarious, touching and always surprising, the show is a date with passionate dreamers and lovable daredevils who work their hearts out, only to land in the dirt. The characters include: Ron, a closeted Southern aerobics instructor; Ira, a 90-year-old Jewish comedian who botched his career in vaudeville; Fleming, an alcoholic thespian; and others. PROGRAMMING NOTE: Kevin Allison will be on the C vs. A Radio Hour this Thursday.

Saturday, April 11th
8 p.m. – Rare Bird Show + The Action Section presents: Life, $10.

10 p.m. – Kevin Allison: F*** Up, $15.

Sunday, April 12th
7 p.m. – Kevin Allison: F*** Up, $15.

It’s time again for the Philly Improv Theater’s week at the Shubin Theatre (407 Bainbridge St). The week actually kicked off Monday with our show, but the highlights of the week are still yet to come with longform improv from New York City, a stand-up CD/DVD recording and more.

Wednesday, March 25th
8 p.m. – Why Am I Not Famous?!?: A Comedy Talk Show w/ Kent Haines, $5. This month Philly’s only comedy talk show welcomes NYC comedian and The Onion writer Mike Drucker and Philadelphia cartoonist and illustrator Jamar Nicholas. According to Kent: “there is an 85% chance of Watchmen talk.”

10 p.m. – Guilty Pleasures w/ Brendan Kennedy, $5. Bringing you the best in awful scripts, acted out for you on stage. Listen to Brendan talk about the show on the C vs. A Radio Hour.

Thursday, March 26th
8 p.m. – Improv Comedy, PhD: Every Thursday the theater pairs up “today’s comedy over-achievers and tomorrow’s comedy legends.” This month: UPenn’s Without A Net with PHIT house team Fletcher.

10 p.m. – Cagematch: Traffic Jelly vs. reigning champs Angry People Building Things, $5. CAGEMATCH pits two groups against each other for 25-minute sets that can only use one audience suggestion. The audience decides the winner by secret ballot.

Friday, March 27
8 p.m. – Everything Must Go + Illegal Refill, $10. Longform improv from PHIT Resident Group Everything Must Go and PHIT affiliate group Illegal Refill, $10.

10 p.m. – Big Tabasco, $10. A DVD/CD recording featuring 30-minutes of stand-up by Chip Chantry and Doogie Horner. Listen to Chip and Doogie on the C vs. A Radio Hour

Saturday, March 28th
8 p.m. – Activity Book + The Wilhelm, $10. PHIT Resident Group Activity Book is joined by NYC’s Peoples Improv Theater house team The Wilhelm.

10 p.m. – Big Tabasco, $10.

Sunday, March 29
7 p.m. – Tongue & Groove, $10. Ranging in ages 23-53, “ensemble members aim to reflect truthful expression of the human experience and focus on rich emotional, intellectual, and physical relationship exploration, both comic and dramatic in tone.